I've struggled over the years with completion. Whether it is a project, course, workout plan, etc, it's rare I make it from start to finish. There are a lot of reasons (and excuses) for this, but as 2022 comes to a close, I need to be honest with myself and admit it: I'm the problem.

Over the past few years, I've been learning a lot about myself. I've come to realize that I struggle with completion for a few reasons:

• Too Many Things

• Impatience / Stubbornness

• Impostor Syndrome

• No Boundaries

Too Many Things

I have a lot of interests, and I always have tons of ideas. This means my project list is ever-growing. When I do finally pick a project to work on, it grows and branches off very quickly. A simple blog post will generate so many other ideas that my draft folder just bloats.

If I start on a coding project, I'll get so excited at all the possibilities and "future additions" that in some sessions I don't even start the thing I was originally going to start. I have a focus problem. This leads to...

Impatience / Stubbornness

Because I often keep seeing the biggest picture, getting stuck on a small problem starts to frustrate me. The project takes longer than I think it should so I tell myself I'll take a break and switch to something else for a bit to reset and then just... never come back to it.

I also have a tendency of taking on too much and overlooking how little time I truly have. I try to do everything myself in short bursts of time and I'm not great at asking for help. I don't always know when I need a break or when it's time to bail. But I know a lot of that is because of...

Impostor Syndrome

I have a people-pleasing, FOMO, and confidence problem. I say yes too much, try to do too many, different, things at once, and set ridiculously high standards for myself. This leads to almost constant burnout. The lack of focus, finishing, and aversion to asking for help means I never build the skills and, ultimately, confidence, I need. The lack of confidence and lack of finishing means I never truly learn anything deeply enough to have the ability to express what I know.

But all of the above is really due to...

No Boundaries

I have a tendency to put myself last. This has become especially difficult since becoming a parent. I don't often make time for myself to do the things I enjoy doing like crafting, coding, and creating. For me, those things are self-care. I love having the downtime with myself to just be and do whatever I feel like doing. As a person of many interests, deciding what to do in that free time is more challenging. I often end up doing nothing because I take too long to choose.

What Am I Doing About It

I've reflected and learned enough over recent years to realize the key is: mindfulness.

Being mindful that I'm not taking on too much. Being mindful and giving myself grace if things are taking longer than I would like or if they're not working out the way I thought or wanted. Being mindful of that inner voice that is holding me back. Being mindful of when it's time to take a break. Being mindful that it's okay to not know.

Here is my current plan for working through what I've outlined above...

• Too Many Things - this is an obvious one: I'm going to stop taking on so much. I'm going to be more mindful of the projects I am working on and make sure I can handle new things that I take on. If something is more enticing, or just not doing it for me anymore, I'll swap or drop without guilt. I'm going to ensure the work in progress actually has a plan, rather than a high-level "this is what I want".

• Impatience / Stubbornness - this one will require extra mindfulness, and I think comes with addressing the other things. Better discovery, planning, and goal setting will help make things achievable and also allow me to have better focus.

• Impostor Syndrome - reminding myself that it is OK to not know things and that there will always be more I don't know, and that's the whole point. I will only gain confidence by doing and sharing what I'm doing.

• Boundaries - Planning. I'm very bad at long-term planning and goal setting. My short-term plan is to focus on the first 3 months of 2023 and decide on the goals I want to achieve. Then I am going to dedicate the time, and stick to that plan.

I know some of this may sound like "well, duh, obviously". These are things I have read, been told, and reminded myself of for years. But sometimes things just don't stick until they do. This post is a way for me to solidify and create a reminder to myself of what I want to achieve.

It's called manifesting, look it up.